Men are Men

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry.

He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man.

She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and so me expensive clothes.
As she presents these gifts.

She tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account.

She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money, and then he married the one

with the Largest Breasts.

Men are Men....

Getting away with speeding

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following
exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes, sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the owner and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK!?!
Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police officers and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation.

Captain: Sir, may I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.

Captain: Whose car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Gun? What gun?? There's no gun in it.

(Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.)

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told there's a body in it.
Driver: A what??

(Trunk is opened -- no body.)

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, and I'll bet he told you I was speeding too!