Why I Am Not Married

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.


At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the
wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
'Husband Wanted"
The next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."


When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep
him.


A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then
she is
finished.


A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still
paying."

A young son asked,
"Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries
her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country,
son."


Then there was a woman who said,
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got
married, and by then, it was too late."


Marriage is the triumph of imagination
over intelligence.


If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict
attention to
every word
you say -- talk in your sleep.

Just think, if it wasn't for marriage,
men would go through life
thinking they
had no faults at all.


First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky. Mine's still alive."


A Woman's Prayer
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom, to understand a man
to love and to forgive him, and for Patience, for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll just beat him to
death.

For programmators only

Zo života programátora

Na svete je 10 druhov ľudí: Tí čo rozumejú dvojkovej sústave a tí čo nie.

Prečo majú programátori chaos v tom, kedy je Halloween a kedy Vianoce? Lebo DEC 24 == OCT 31

Programátor kupuje v obchode Matriošku: Prosím si tú ruskú rekurzívnu bábiku.

On si pofajčieva cigaretu a vyfukuje obláčiky dymu, ona mu vraví:
- Nevidíš, že je na krabičke napísané varovanie, že to škodí zdraviu!
- Láska, ja som programátor. Nás nezaujímajú warningy, ale len errory...

Programátor si hovorí v pondelok ráno: ešte dvakrát sa vyspím a je tu víkend

Všetci mi hovoria, že meno kocúra sa ako heslo pre roota nehodí. Ale keď ja som si tak privykol na môjho qzb!7kw_2et !

Webmaster vyplňuje dotazník:
Vek: 21
Výška: 185
Farba očí: #22AA75

Programátor je u očného. Doktor ho usadí a hovorí:
- Čítajte!
- T F U K M C L... Pán doktor, máte dobre nastavený encoding?

Dvaja programátori sedia v bare. Okolo prejde poriadne ceckatá baba.
Jeden vraví:
- Bože, tá má iné properties!
- Ehm..., včera som to čekoval, všetky sú read only! - smutne dodá druhý.

Ona ho posiela na nákup:
- Choď kúpiť dve nožičky klobásy. A keď budú mať vajíčka, zober desať.
On vojde do obchodu:
- Dobrý deň, máte vajíčka?
- Áno.
- Tak mi dajte desať nožičiek klobásy.

Bush, Blair a moslimovia

Sedia v Bielom dome G. W. Bush a T. Blair. Pritoci sa k nim jeden z hostov,
ktoreho zaujal ich druzny rozhovor. A pyta sa o com tak druzne diskutuju.
Bush mu odpoveda: "Planujeme tretiu svetovu vojnu"
Host na to: "To znie zaujimavo. Ake su plany?"
"Zabijeme 140 milionov moslimov a jedneho zubara," vysvetluje Bush.
Host sa zda byt prekvapeny: "Preco zabijete jedneho zubara?"
Blair sa usmieva a buchne Busha do chrbata: "Co som Ti hovoril?
Nikto sa nebude pytat, preco 140 milionov moslimov"